Get set...

I have an entry in my journal from a week or so ago that's all nicely set up, dated, titled Preparing to Go, and contains all of 6 words: "God, I'm not ready for this." That was as far as I got that night, and I must admit that's a pretty accurate description of how I'm feeling about these next 3 months. However, looking at the journal entry and thinking back over the past week, I am in awe of how God has continued to show His faithfulness even in those few days. This entire process has been a continuous stream of endless examples of the Lord's provision. In the first stages of thinking about going, I had a list of all the reasons why I couldn't do it. Couldn't leave Wheaton, couldn't make the credits work, couldn't back out of various campus commitments, and God literally went down the list and checked off every single one. As the months have gone by, he's continued to do so with all my fears and anxieties, and this past week has been just another example. A week ago I was freaking out because I didn't have plane tickets yet, was worried about budget details, unsure about whether my host family even knew when I was coming, and just generally stressed. This morning, I have a flight itinerary, a packing list, a list of things to bring to the missionaries in Bolivia, and a set of training information to look over. God is so patient with my detail-oriented heart...and He is SO GOOD!

For housing, I'll be staying in the home of one of the nurses at the clinic (with kitties!), which will force me to speak Spanish =) The Hawthorne's are also purchasing a Spanish textbook that I'll be studying out of, so I won't be completely on my own on the language side of things! All these details have made the trip so much more tangible, along with the fact that I'm leaving in 8 DAYS. Wowzers, how time has flown. It's time to actually start packing! I still don't feel "ready to go" in the sense that I feel in-control, but I think that's where God wants me. I love the words of the old hymn:

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

Just to take him at his word!

Just to rest upon his promise

Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust him!

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

O for grace to trust him more!

I'm practicing the daily routine of giving this trip to Him and trusting him to take care of the next details, and in the process I'm learning to do the same with everything else as well. It feels a bit like jumping off a cliff, and a bit like coming home. But that's life with Jesus, isn't it?